Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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