so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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