I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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