i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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