Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
