you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
