Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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