I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
