im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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