made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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