Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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