How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
