Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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