there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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