She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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