i barfeds in our rink
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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