i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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