I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
