Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
