So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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