He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
