here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
