remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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