A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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