his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
