I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
