Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
