well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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