I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
