i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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