he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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