I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
