I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
