Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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