just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
