You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
