Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
