I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
