I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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