i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
