Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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