I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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