Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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