mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you never un-have a 4some
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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