I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
