But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
