Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
