Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
