when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Even my vagina gasped.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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