I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
