I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
