my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
