I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
